How an engineer writes a program:
Start by debugging an empty file...
I am a computer, dumber than any
human and smarter than an administrator.
If at first you don't succeed, call
it version 1.0.
If a train station is where the
train stops, what is a work station?
I finally made my stupid computer
faster; I dropped it out of the window, and it went really fast.
If the automobile had followed the
same development cycle as the computer, a Rolls-Royce today would cost
$100, get a million miles to the gallon, and explode once a year, killing
everyone inside.
If the pen is mightier than the
sword, and a picture is worth a thousand words, how dangerous is a fax?
If your computer says,
"Printer out of Paper," this problem cannot be resolved by
continuously clicking the "OK" button.
I have a dream: 1073741824 bytes
free.
I haven't lost my mind; it's backed
up on tape somewhere.
I hit the CTRL key but I'm still
not in control!
I'm writing a book. I've got the
page numbers done.
In a few minutes a computer can
make a mistake so great that it would take many men many months to equal
it.
Is reading in the bathroom
considered Multi-Tasking.
It is easier to write an incorrect
program than understand a correct one.
It said "Insert disk
3..." but only 2 fit.
It's not a bug; it's an
undocumented feature.
It works! Now if only I could
remember what I did...
I wish life has a scroll back
buffer.
Keyboard : Instrument used to enter
errors into computer.
Keyboard not connected, press F1 to
continue.
MACINTOSH stands for Most
Applications Crash If Not The Operating System Hangs.
Maintenance-free: When it breaks,
it can't be fixed...
Math problems? Call
1-800-[(10x)(ln(13e))]-[sin(xy)/2.362x]
Melted fruit snacks found on
Keyboard. Delete nephew [Y/N]?
MICROSOFT: Most Intelligent
Customers Realize Our Software is Only for Fools and Teenagers.
Mommy! The cursor's winking at me!
My software never has bugs. It just
develops random features.
Never say "OOPS!" always
say "Ah, Interesting!"
No matter how much data you add to
your laptop, it will not get heavier.
Of course I know how to copy disks.
Where's the xerox machine?
One person's error is another
person's data.
One picture is worth 128K words.
Operator! Trace this call and tell
me where I am.
Owners of digital watches: Your
day's are numbered!
Oxymoron: Microsoft Works.
Press any key...no, no, no, NOT
THAT ONE!
Press any key to continue or any
other key to quit...
Press CTRL-ALT-DEL to continue....
Programmers don't die, they just
GOSUB without RETURN.
Programmer's Time-Space Continuum:
Programmers continuously space the time.
RAM disk is NOT an installation
procedure.
Reference Manual: Object that
raises the monitor to eye level. Also used to compensate for that short
table leg.
Scheduled Release Date: A carefully
calculated date determined by estimating the actual shipping date and
subtracting six months from it.
Shift to the left! Shift to the
right! Pop up, push down, byte, byte, byte!
Southern DOS: Y'all reckon?
(Yep/Nope)
Speed Kills! Use Windows 95.
System going down at 1:45 for disk
crashing.
The box said: Win95 or better
required...so I installed Linux.
The definition of an upgrade: Take
old bugs out, put new ones in.
The name is Baud......, James Baud.
The program is absolutely right;
therefore the computer must be wrong.
The programmer's national anthem is
'AAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH'.
The Queue Principle: The longer you
wait in line, the greater the likelihood that you are standing in the
wrong line.
There are never enough hours in a
day, but always too many days before Saturday.
There are two ways to write
error-free programs; only the third one works.
There can never be a computer
language in which you cannot write a bad program.
There were computers in Biblical
times. Eve had an Apple.
These settings will have no effect
until you restart the system.
Reset Universe (Y/N) ?
Those who can, do. Those who
cannot, teach. Those who cannot teach, HACK!
To be, or not to be, those are the
parameters.
To err is human, but to really foul
things up requires a computer.
User error: replace user and press
any key to continue.
Warning, keyboard not found. Press
Enter to continue.
What boots up must come down.
Who's General Failure and why's he
reading my disk?
Why doesn't DOS ever say
"EXCELLENT command or filename!"
Why do they call this a word
processor? It's simple, ... you've seen what food processors do to food,
right?
Why do we want intelligent
terminals when there are so many stupid users?
Will the information superhighway
have any rest stops?
Windows 3.1 not found: (C)heer, (P)arty,
(D)ance?
Windows is NOT a virus. Viruses DO
something.
WINDOWS stands for Will Install
Needless Data On Whole System.
Windows: the ultimate triumph of
marketing over technology.
You are making progress if each
mistake is a new one.
You don't have to know how the
computer works, just how to work the computer.
You forgot to do your backup 16
days ago. Tomorrow you'll need that version.
You had mail, but the super-user
read it, and deleted it!
You never finish a program, you
just stop working on it.
NOTE
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