1.  Hey guys, before you put us over your laps, can ya please empty your pockets?  You have NO idea how a set of keys gouging into your belly or your pelvis spoils the mood.  <grin>

2.  Spanking works up a powerful thirst for us.  After all, we're fussing and yelling and thrashing around and our throats run dry.  A bottle of water nearby would be oh so considerate.  Perhaps a squeeze of lemon in it?  And maybe some grapes...

3.  You know, God gave us TWO cheeks.  Please don't slap the same one over and over and over.

4.  For heaven's sake, shine your shoes.  If we have to stare at them, at least they should be aesthetically appealing.  And if we're at your home, do vacuum your carpet beforehand.

5.  When you lean down to whisper in our ear or scold us, please think very carefully..."When was the last time I popped a breath mint?"

6.  When your hand starts to hurt, remember -- no matter how bad you hurt, WE hurt worse.  So suck it up.  Ooops, did I type that out loud?

7.  Please do not chastise us for laughing/giggling/etc.  Remember, we are not laughing WITH you, we are laughing AT you.  Uh... wait a minute... think that came out wrong...

8.  Please... learn how to count.  We are much too busy concentrating on dealing with the swats raining down upon us to do it for you.

9.  Remember, "sir" is an address of respect.  And respect can never be demanded. 

10.  And remember, spanking should always be a last resort.  We are not really that bad.  Perhaps we are just misunderstood.  Perhaps we just need more love and hugs and ice cream.  And new clothes.  And a new car.  And ooh, how about a vacation?  See, isn't that so much nicer than spanking us? 

Ladies, DO feel free to add to this list if you have any other helpful tips.  

Your ever so helpful manager,

Erica